Matters of the heart and mind

Article written as Guest Writer for The Purple Tale Blog- The Link

The previous decade was packed with advancements in science and technology. This rapid change also meant that our life has been moving fast. There was so much to do and explore that one life felt too little for this. People were so busy learning, working, traveling, upgrading their skills and entertaining themselves. We never thought that we would be forced to live with a pandemic and suddenly be told to stop all our rushing, slow down and lock ourselves for safety. This has shifted the gaze from all the external aspects of life to the internal matters. These internal matters are about our heart and mind, they focus on our home, our family or living with any significant loved ones who can make us feel safe and valued. This is like a call to reflect about our emotional wellness, a cherished aspect when life becomes so short and temporary and we cannot think about a long term future.

Emotional wellness might seem like a sophisticated topic but it is an essential element of life. Unfortunately, it is not seen as relevant and is rarely practiced. You mostly read about it in books on spirituality and psychology or see it as a word used for promotion strategies by institutions and organizations.

The present day world has witnessed several scenarios. In academia, students cannot complete their course and academic structure as usual or have to wait longer to begin a planned course. In employment, some have lost the opportunity to work while others are forced to wait longer to begin work. Additionally, as you are trying to deal with this pause you do not have situations to socialize, events to participate and can’t visit places you wanted to tour. All these external goals are on standstill mode and you feel like you are losing the purpose of living. Amidst all this personal confusion there is a novel pandemic and the fear of death. It’s normal to experience confusion and feel low. It’s also okay to feel restless but letting all of it affect your life is not good.

We are always told to be ambitious and hardworking, we seldom learn the value of patience. Patience that waits near the hills for the storm to pass without rushing to the risky plains, also one that waits for the dawn of a new day to work in daylight rather than struggle during a long night filled with darkness. If only we knew how to wait and stay calm without chasing the next goal and use this time instead to understand the value of simple life skills not part of any course or curriculum at schools or colleges, we could deal with this phase. Instead we have been so busy understanding the complicated aspects in life that it has become difficult to live life the simple way.

A lack of means to learn or an opportunity to work is seen as a loss of purpose in life. But life is not a bio-data sheet of educational qualifications and professional experiences. It is a journey that has spiritual, emotional, social and cultural aspects that are often ignored. If only our bio-data and profiles could focus on our values, godliness and everyday tasks, the meaning and value of life would change. Life comprises of the small significant relationships we share with people and the little things we do for them. It is about our belief systems and praise and worship for the well-being of each other, rather than mere blind faith or religious superiority that divides people. It is also about our daily activities and behaviors that we do to look after ourselves physically and emotionally. But these are not bio-data or LinkedIn worthy and hence are rarely seen as achievements in life. Achievements are not only about completing a course or being the best, it is also about learning various ways to live and survive to make life meaningful when everything around you seems mundane. It is about seeing beauty in simplicity rather than sophistication.

This pandemic has taught us how unplanned and short life is. But despite all this uncertainty it is the small significant deeds and relationships that will make it worthwhile when long term plans and goals become redundant and hard to see.

As a life lesson from the experience of the pandemic it would be good if our families, communities, societies, institutions and organizations truly shifted their focus to nurture the value of human beings based on who they are in terms of their quality of life rather than reduce human existence to a data value of marks, earnings, and years of active work. We need to learn ways to live rather than think about death when we feel low, disappointed and uncertain in life.

The young lady I met

Image credits: Google images illustrated by Christal Ferrao 

Welcome to the sandy shores that hold palm trees upright always. This place has tiled roofs and seafood. The people of the land are remembered for their smiling faces that makes one want to live there forever. I visited this place a couple of weeks back and met a young lady there. I knew her as a young school girl; but today she has grown up. I had my regular conversations with her; and suddenly, there was something that emerged from our talk. I saw her cheeks had dimples on it. I felt like it had been rubbed with rose petals. Her belly was restless as if feathers were moving in it. She hesitated first; then she said, “If you could spare me some time I have something to tell you.”
“I have studied the complex mind of people, stories of oppression and emancipation; and discussed about the government and films in the country. People should know me as a dedicated worker and professional inspiration. But after all these mind games; I suddenly plug my earphones into my ears. All I want to do is, listen to slow songs that exhilarates my heart and make it seem like there is a cool soothing breeze that is swaying around me. I cannot explain about this, but it happens to me.”
She explained all these to me. Nelson Mandela says, “We have to be taught to hate, but it is possible to love without being taught. Because love is natural to the human heart.” And this girl was probably driven by this. But, till some point in time this love is explicated through our relationships with family and friends. The time one has the right to vote or drive a car, you began associate love for its role in finding your life partner. This seems to be a central focus. But I do not know whether this young lady was going through a similar experience.

She looked into my eyes, and suddenly she stopped smiling. I wondered what had happened to her. Did she lose her hope in love? And when I was about to speak, she said, “I am in love”.  And before I could fuel my curiosity, she spoke again. “People around me always tell me to seek love in places that are similar like me; where they eat, speak and pray just like I do. I try, but each time this happens my eyes simply lose focus. It only seeks what my heart desires. And my heart see’s such similarity not in such places, but in areas that seem to be a stark contrast to mine. Is it true, since they say opposites attract? I really do not feel so; since I feel among all these differences I can relate to someone, speak to and understand this person like no one else. I never felt the same with the one’s suggested by those people.”

“I have travelled across states; but I do not want to blame this travel. It is in this palm leafed state that excites my heart when I see a person who is so different according to people; yet I can converse with the person.” It seems great to be in love without any barriers, I thought. Later she added, “But do you know what is worse? It is when you have conversations with someone regarding the most relevant and silly topics; yet these perceptual distinctions created by society makes you reluctant to express your feelings of love. And the feeling remains till your throat, and is not uttered. And you do not want to be in love any longer. This makes you sad. What is even worse is that because you could not express yourself; you seem to lose out on love, loving the person you thought would be yours. But they are not yours, since you have not done anything to make them feel so; neither has the other expressed their feelings to you. You do not want to speak to anyone; neither the soft music that plays thrills you now.”

I began to feel uncomfortable; since I could not respond to my friend. I am a college girl like her; it’s just that I study in another city. All I did was moved my lips; I did not know whether to pout or smile. I was about to tap her on the shoulder to tell her I understand what she means. But, as I thought of doing it I could hear her speak again. “I want to be the voice of people on television, I also want to make my presence on the silver screen, and I want to participate in the decision making procedures in the country. But sometimes when I just sit down and feel satisfied with my career, I know my heart is travelling in search of something. Perhaps I know what is it, but just cannot explain this. And when I do not get it immediately, or do not find anyone around I want to just stop letting my mind wander in this area of thought. I feel like living my life solo, all by myself. I need no one, only me,” she began turning restless. I seemed to feel useless, since I could not respond. I glanced at my phone and said that I had to make a move immediately.

I walked a few steps. Then I turned to see her. Her cheeks seemed like the rose petal scrub was still stuck to her face. But this time her eyes were damp and wrinkled. I turned to move ahead and thought, “We are so similar, her story seems like mine now. But there is one thing, just like people, love is so complicated.”

The heart is just like a child

Image source: Google Images

The heart is just like a child. It does not age, though its carrier does. It stays youthful forever. It appreciates care from people; it looks forward to spending time with friends and family and is always on the go to explore a career of choice.  Hence just like a child it is always on a quest to seek such kind of vivacity in nature. What is this verve? It is love, care and friendship that every person is in need of. We choose happiness over sadness, relationship over breakup and fondness over conflict and loneliness. Therefore we frequently tour down the memory lane to visit places like ancestral villages, educational institutions and site seeing destinations to reminisce all this nostalgia of tenderness.

We feel at home when people feel blessed to have us in their lives and are concerned of us. This is welcoming. We feel motivated when people compliment us for our talents and value system. This serves as an encouragement. We feel strong with a cozy blanket like hug and just want to erase all the hostility, despair and melancholy in our life.

We remember our school and college days not for the academic information, but rather for the friendship musings. These include the classroom humour sessions, the discussions on the way we view life and spending time pondering about our childhood.  The more memories we have of such affectionate times the more we cherish these days. It remains fresh in our minds forever.

Love is like an emotional cleanser to rid our lives of all the perils of the envy and hatred we are bound to experience on hard days of life. It is like a medicine that facilitates recovery from these hardships. We perform well in life during such goodwill times because it acts like a tonic to motivate us to work, learn, visit places and nurture our talents. This destroys all the fear and anxieties that stem from perceived lack of support. Psychological research states that it is through love that one is able to deal with unresolved conflicts such as lack of communication in relationships and aggressive behavior in our surroundings that could lead to mental conflicts in the unconscious mind and thus manage and prevent the possibilities of psychological disorders.

Love is a like a divine gift that makes us courageous during times of uncertainty. It is part of all religious scriptures. One considers love as the greatest commandment of all. It emphasizes people to love both God and people. A person can overcome sin with this love. The other calls it a way of life. It states that when we love a person, we want to be near them at all times, we go out of our way to show this by giving gifts and sharing our experiences to receive love from others. It is a support during times of illness and an encouragement during difficult times. In yet another the word appears frequently in the book with emphasis that if we love someone we ought to make it known to them through various means and ways. Thus the heart is like a child, always in search of love far and wide.